You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
