Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
