I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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