you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
try to milk me bitch
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
