I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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