I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
