And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
