i think my mom watched the whole time
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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