You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
