he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
