I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
