so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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