I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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