Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
