yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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