my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
