A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
