My boss' voice literally gives me gas
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
