i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
