Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
