I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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