last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
