are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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