I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
