You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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