I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
