Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
