ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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