Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
