Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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