??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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