I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
