I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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