according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
