I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
