The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
