Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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