My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
