You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
