we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
