dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
