i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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