there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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