Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
