You're completely useless in the revolution.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
