she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
