Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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