I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
don't judge my taste in strippers
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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