i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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