I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
