Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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